You are the only insurgent that I won’t turn in Threat level on red As much as I want to sleep as close to my husband as I can You find a way every night to make your way to our bed The Tittie Terrorist Dropping bombs in the huggies Snatching meals from my boobies Kicking daddy with your booties The Tittie Terrorist Every morning a new list of demands Slapping daddy with your backhand Pulling big sis by her hair strands The Tittie Terrorist Toughest, sweetest baby that I know More and more everyday she grows The cutest terrorist around….. I suppose
In my lonely times I have to remind myself to stay focused but it gets tough I try so hard to remind myself that there is nothing outside of this house that could bring me more joy than my husband and kids But sometimes my thoughts drift off to places that God forbids So that's when I drop everything and take some time to myself and commune with the one person that I need to talk to the most
Thank you GOD for my family and thank you for my health Thank you for my hands and thank you for growth
Far from who I used to be but the journey is not at an end I am asking you God to forever be my friend
Keep me from drifting off this course that you've designed Keep me in my right state of mind Keep me grounded Keep me humble Give me wisdom Give me peace Give me knowledge
I love you more than you will ever know And through my womb our love continues to grow I never imagined I could feel this way So full of love and joy each and every day I know I tell you daily of how much you mean to me But I wanted to take the time to put it in words that you could see
I love you my husband, my king, my boo I appreciate the words you say and all the things that you do
It was only three months ago when you arrived I am in utter amazement of how fast you’ve grown before my eyes You used to eat sleep and poop all day But now you wake up at four a.m. just to play Your daddy thinks that you love him more But you and I both know that I am the one you adore My favorite part of the day is anytime you eat And how if I don’t feed you fast enough, you throw tantrums with your feet I love how quickly you are learning how to use your hands Pretty soon you will be rolling, crawling, and soon learning how to stand Take your time little mama, don’t you grow too fast Mommy wants to enjoy every moment while it last
Never should've signed up for these vaccinations Should've given it more contemplation
Now I have to hold you down while you endure the pain I wish I could tell you that this won't happen again
But according to the schools, it must be done or else I will have to home school you until your 21
Maybe that would have been an option had I prepared myself in advanced But I can be honest and admit that sometimes I am too lazy to even give it a chance
Maybe I will be ready by the time that you are 3 But If you are anything like mommy, you yearn to be active socially
Just know that mommy had to go through this too and if I could take it all back, then I would just for you
So many Distractions Not enough time So many paths to take gotta make sure the one I'm on is mine
So many things being thrown my way Gotta stay focused gotta stay on track Gotta shake off what the haters say
So many distractions which will I ignore Too many to choose Can't take any of them anymore
Away with the books of faces Away with the meaningless conversations Away with the tweets and chatter Getting back to the things that really matter
Away with the tv's Away with the wack mc's Away with the dvd's Getting back to time with my family
The hubby,the Kids, the fam, my Spirit My health, happiness, inner joy.... I refuse to let anyone steal it
So I bid farewell to all things that don't uplift and if you don't feel me or can't get with it Then the best thing for you to do is keep walking...catch my drift?
I want to let you fly free little bird To soar and become the Eagle you were destined to be I want to let you fly free little bird But every time I try to let you go, you insist that you need me I want to let you fly free little bird To fly high into the clouds until you reach the stars I want to let you fly free little bird But you insist that without me you won’t go far I want to let you fly free little bird To do all the things that little birds do I want to let you fly free little bird But you quickly remind me that I am a little bird too And even though we can both fly free and succeed apart We are more powerful as a unit and together we can create works of art
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
I want to give my all to this new little addition to the family, but my appetite is gone. How can I feed her, and I can't feed myself. Even though I have been down this road before with Kimani, this all feels new to me. I am trying to do the no meat, all natural thing, but I only crave burgers, fries, shakes, and soda. I need to figure out what I am seeking comfort from. Those are all examples of comfort foods.
The day started off like any other day. I woke up, showered, helped Kimani get dressed, and cooked breakfast.We all hopped in the car. I dropped Kimani off, then Lance, and I headed home to do some hair. After finishing my client, I headed out the door with my breakfast in hand, and made my way to my weekly visit to the doctor.
I arrived at the doctor office on time, but clearly they were running behind schedule. So as I patiently waited, I chit chatted on the phone with my homie. An hour later, the docs called me back. I left my urine sample and undressed waist down. Ms Brown checks my cervix and I am 1 cm dilated. Then she checked on the baby’s heart rate. In the process of that, I started to have a contraction. A few seconds later, the heart rate slowed down. Out of concern, Ms Brown thought it would be best to head over to Atlanta perinatal for an ultrasound.
So I am off to Atlanta perinatal, thinking about stopping at McDonalds, but decided that I would eat at the hospital. I get to the hospital, sign in, and wait patiently. The nurse called me back and explained the process. She put me on a monitor for 20 minutes and then did an ultrasound. She then sent me back to the waiting room so that I could talk to the doctor. The doctor informed me that my baby was under distress everytime I had a contraction. So he sent me to Labor and Delivery for more observation. At this point, my stomach is growling, and I didn't realize that i wasn't going home.
I get to Labor and Delivery, my cell phone is dead, and my stomach is still growling. After registering, I used the lobby phone to call Lance, who has no idea of what's going on, and I called my friend to see if she could pick Lance up from work and bring him to the hospital. After making my calls, I went and checked into what I didn't know was my room for the night. The nurse was very helpful. She explained what was going on, and that the doctors were thinking about inducing my labor.......Okay so that's when I realized that little Sade was going to be here at some point this "Labor Day" weekend.
Lance, Doreatha, and Tony arrive around 7:30. The doctors come in and inform us that they will be inducing my labor at some point that night. I was very scared. So around 11:00 pm, the doctors start the pytocin, the drug that they use to induce labor, and wish me luck. My contractions are painfully coming 3 minutes apart, so I just knew that Sade would be here by midnight. At 1 a.m, the nurse came to check my cervix, which hadn't change at all. Because of some scar tissue around my cervix from my cerclage, my cervix couldn't dilate properly.
At 7:00 the nurse gave me some medication to help with the pain. At 8:30 a.m, the doctor came in with her tools, broke through the scar tisssue, and broke my water. That's when the real pain started. My other nurse named Mary suggested that I get an epidural because the pain was going to get much worse. I am normally against any type of medication, but the pain from the open scar tissue and contractions was too much too bear.
At 11:00, the anesthesiologist came in to do the epidural. A very dangerous procedure, but it took all of the pain away. The nurse tucked me into bed comfortably, and told me to rest because I had a long ways to go. Around 1:30, I started to feel pressure again. I called the nurse and she was going to give me another dose of medication. Before doing that, she checked my cervix and realized that it was time to deliver. Two pushes later, Sade was born at 1:42. She was a whopping 6 lbs. even, and 19 inches long. Finally....it was over....or so I thought.
While the nurses were cleaing me up, they noticed that my cervix was "hanging out". They told me that it was fine, and if it hung out in the future, that I should just push it back in. I was too busy trying to see my baby, I paid it no attention.
After they cleaned the baby up, I immediately began to nurse her. Again a very painful experience, but it was worth it. I knew for a fact that I should not have been in that much pain, but I let the doctors tell me different. After a 2 day stay at the wonderful emory at midtown, I was sent home with a new baby, painkillers, stool softeners, and iron pills. the rest of my evening was spent in pain. That night I showered and felt something hanging between my legs. I asked my husband to look and the look on his face told me that something wasn't right.
The next morning I called my doctor for an emergency appointment. We immediately were seen when we arrived, and ten minutes later, I found out that my cervix was torn, and I needed to report to the hospital in the morning for surgery. Back to Emory again......
I stayed up all night pumping milk for the baby, and prayed for the strength to get through another surgery. We arrive at the hospital at 7 am for a 10:30 am procedure. The hospital did not allow anyone under the age of 16 in the pre-op area, so I had to thug it out all alone. To make a long story short, they put me to sleep, stitched me up, and I woke up an hour later with a sore throat.
Now I am home recovering, losing weight, and spoiling the little one. Sade is here....and I think that she will be the last one......unless God gives me the strength to have another.
This post is going to be short. I am learning how to be more supportive of my husband and his pursuit of his dream to do comedy. This is one of those nights that I would love to spend time with him, but he wants to go out and do some networking. Thanks to deep breathing, good food, and red box, I think that I will get through this night. Support means sometimes sacrificing so that the your other half can grow....
Okay so things are better now that we have decluttered our house and burned some sage to get all of the negative energy out of this apartment. I didn't expect the sage to smell like weed, but it seemed to make this place a little bit more peaceful. Being married means having strength when your other half does not have the strength to get through things. One of us has to be stron. Maybe when I get weak, he will be strong enough to handle the weight.
What do you do when your partner gets so down and in a funk that not even his favorite meal can pull him out of the mood that he is feeling. I understand why he feels the way that he does, but I do not know what to do to get him out of it. He barely eats and just wants to sleep all day. I wish that I could pick him up and let him know that I am here for him. Sometimes when he feels the way that he feels, it makes me feel down as well. The last time he fell into this mood, we moved five states away and started over fresh. Maybe it's the pressure of having a pregnant wife, two toddler girls, and no employment. I am doing all that I can to pick him up....but he is still down.
I’ll start from the beginning, and try to help you understand How God has a reason for everything, and for everyone he has a plan.
On the 29th day of December, of my sophomore year, the year 2001 Life for me as I had known it changed, For God had blessed me with a son
Malachi Jamal Moore, a name truly fit for a king I never could’ve guessed or imagined all the lessons and joy this little boy could bring
You see Malachi was little, just barely two pounds But he was strong, and he was a fighter, nothing could hold him down He had many complications, some big, and some small But he always kept a smile that helped his mommy bare it all
He never got a chance to crawl, walk, or those little things that babies do And he and I both went through some things that some of you may never go through He never got a chance to come home, but he always knew that his mommy would always be there To be his comfort and strength, and to show him that she cared
He only lived 19 months, on August the 4th he was called home To sit in the arms of God, or maybe in his own baby throne What you don’t understand is the message I’m trying to teach About how my little baby had a message he was sent to preach
You see the name Malachi means God’s messenger, and he bought a message full of power It simply says, “God is coming for his people, but no one knows the day or hour”
Malachi was sent here to teach a few things like how to truly love And how to focus not on things of this world, but on Almighty God above His time was short, his purpose was met, and all the pain is gone I understand now, and now I am strong, and now I must press on
Thank you Creator for growth My feminine energy is no longer suppressed Now free to do what I was called to do No longer will I digress
From relaxed and straightened with a little slicked down to the side To a low cut well shaped up beauty who rocks her natural with pride From a size three olive oil type chick with big feet To a size 12 fluffy the body type chick with a little extra mama meat
Thank you Creator for growth My feminine energy is no longer suppressed Now free to do what I was called to do No longer will I digress
From fresh beaters To v neck dresses From quick washes with Dove To elaborate showers with citrus ginger fragrances From corporate cubes and navy blue slacks To sexy black ensembles with accessories to match
Thank you Creator for growth My feminine energy is no longer suppressed Now free to do what I was called to do No longer will I let myself digress
From being lost in the world and trying to find my way To being spiritually grounded on the Creator and learning how to pray From Geek squad and confusing computer terms To natural hair guru with the gift of gab and the power to free my people from perms
Thank you Creator for growth My feminine energy is no longer suppressed Now free to do what I was called to do No longer will I let myself digress
From single parent having to play both roles To being called baby, boo, the mate of his soul From a boring life full of all work and no play To a life filled with creativity being expressed everyday
Yes………..Thank You Creator for growth My feminine energy is no longer suppressed Now free to do what I am called to do No longer will I let myself digress……
Okay. I've finally decided to add the title writer/poet to my list of words to describe myself. I am making a commitment to writing a novel, writing more poems, and blogging more often about anything that comes to mind. Please feel free to comment on my poems.
For those of you who don't know, I just recently moved to Atlanta, Ga for no reason in particular. I am currently working at a salon called Deeply Rooted which is a really awesome place to work. I meet a lot of interesting people who have interesting ways of talking. I had two clients last week who were teaching me some slang, and I honestly felt like I was really old. These guys where only about six or seven years younger than me.
So here is the slang that I learned so far.....
" A Big dog yo dreds is Fi(Fire without the re) Translation: "Your locs look Hot" of "your locs look nice".....lol "He's lurkin" Translation: He's checking himself out in the mirror"
Okay that was funny.
I also tell people that I just moved down from Maryland near Baltimore, and the first thing that they ask me about is the wire.
Okay so I know that I have picked a very corny first post title, but it's better than nothing at all. Anyway, I am new to this whole blogging thing, but I as a Gemini I always have so many thoughts running through my head, i figured that blogging would be the best method for releasing these thoughts that I have.
Let me first give you a break down of who I think I am from a Gemini perspective. I am a very flighty free spirit who loves talking and getting to know people. I like to take a walk in others shoes in order to get a good idea of who they are and how he/she views life. I will try anything once and I like to start projects that may or may not get finished( hopefully not this blog :)
Okay now I can begin. I know officially have many titles. I am a mother, step-mother, wife, natural hair stylist, P.S.G ( Poet Still Growing), eldest child, eldest grandchild on my mom's side, and many others that I don't feel like mentioning. I think that today I will talk about my newest title.....wife.
As a young girl I never dreamed of getting married in a fancy church, in a big expensive white dress, with all of my family and friends in attendance. As a young woman I could never imagine being committed to someone for the REST OF MY LIFE. Now that I have taken that step, I can honestly say that I enjoy marriage. What's even more exciting is the fact that he is also a Gemini, which means that he always understands what I am thinking and why I am thinking it. I enjoy being a wife, whatever that means, but I'm still trying to figure out if I am supposed to feel different. At times I wonder if the husband feels any different than he did before when we were shacking.....lol. Anyway....that's all for now. Gotta put the kids to bed.....
