I want to let you fly free little bird To soar and become the Eagle you were destined to be I want to let you fly free little bird But every time I try to let you go, you insist that you need me I want to let you fly free little bird To fly high into the clouds until you reach the stars I want to let you fly free little bird But you insist that without me you won’t go far I want to let you fly free little bird To do all the things that little birds do I want to let you fly free little bird But you quickly remind me that I am a little bird too And even though we can both fly free and succeed apart We are more powerful as a unit and together we can create works of art
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
I want to give my all to this new little addition to the family, but my appetite is gone. How can I feed her, and I can't feed myself. Even though I have been down this road before with Kimani, this all feels new to me. I am trying to do the no meat, all natural thing, but I only crave burgers, fries, shakes, and soda. I need to figure out what I am seeking comfort from. Those are all examples of comfort foods.
The day started off like any other day. I woke up, showered, helped Kimani get dressed, and cooked breakfast.We all hopped in the car. I dropped Kimani off, then Lance, and I headed home to do some hair. After finishing my client, I headed out the door with my breakfast in hand, and made my way to my weekly visit to the doctor.
I arrived at the doctor office on time, but clearly they were running behind schedule. So as I patiently waited, I chit chatted on the phone with my homie. An hour later, the docs called me back. I left my urine sample and undressed waist down. Ms Brown checks my cervix and I am 1 cm dilated. Then she checked on the baby’s heart rate. In the process of that, I started to have a contraction. A few seconds later, the heart rate slowed down. Out of concern, Ms Brown thought it would be best to head over to Atlanta perinatal for an ultrasound.
So I am off to Atlanta perinatal, thinking about stopping at McDonalds, but decided that I would eat at the hospital. I get to the hospital, sign in, and wait patiently. The nurse called me back and explained the process. She put me on a monitor for 20 minutes and then did an ultrasound. She then sent me back to the waiting room so that I could talk to the doctor. The doctor informed me that my baby was under distress everytime I had a contraction. So he sent me to Labor and Delivery for more observation. At this point, my stomach is growling, and I didn't realize that i wasn't going home.
I get to Labor and Delivery, my cell phone is dead, and my stomach is still growling. After registering, I used the lobby phone to call Lance, who has no idea of what's going on, and I called my friend to see if she could pick Lance up from work and bring him to the hospital. After making my calls, I went and checked into what I didn't know was my room for the night. The nurse was very helpful. She explained what was going on, and that the doctors were thinking about inducing my labor.......Okay so that's when I realized that little Sade was going to be here at some point this "Labor Day" weekend.
Lance, Doreatha, and Tony arrive around 7:30. The doctors come in and inform us that they will be inducing my labor at some point that night. I was very scared. So around 11:00 pm, the doctors start the pytocin, the drug that they use to induce labor, and wish me luck. My contractions are painfully coming 3 minutes apart, so I just knew that Sade would be here by midnight. At 1 a.m, the nurse came to check my cervix, which hadn't change at all. Because of some scar tissue around my cervix from my cerclage, my cervix couldn't dilate properly.
At 7:00 the nurse gave me some medication to help with the pain. At 8:30 a.m, the doctor came in with her tools, broke through the scar tisssue, and broke my water. That's when the real pain started. My other nurse named Mary suggested that I get an epidural because the pain was going to get much worse. I am normally against any type of medication, but the pain from the open scar tissue and contractions was too much too bear.
At 11:00, the anesthesiologist came in to do the epidural. A very dangerous procedure, but it took all of the pain away. The nurse tucked me into bed comfortably, and told me to rest because I had a long ways to go. Around 1:30, I started to feel pressure again. I called the nurse and she was going to give me another dose of medication. Before doing that, she checked my cervix and realized that it was time to deliver. Two pushes later, Sade was born at 1:42. She was a whopping 6 lbs. even, and 19 inches long. Finally....it was over....or so I thought.
While the nurses were cleaing me up, they noticed that my cervix was "hanging out". They told me that it was fine, and if it hung out in the future, that I should just push it back in. I was too busy trying to see my baby, I paid it no attention.
After they cleaned the baby up, I immediately began to nurse her. Again a very painful experience, but it was worth it. I knew for a fact that I should not have been in that much pain, but I let the doctors tell me different. After a 2 day stay at the wonderful emory at midtown, I was sent home with a new baby, painkillers, stool softeners, and iron pills. the rest of my evening was spent in pain. That night I showered and felt something hanging between my legs. I asked my husband to look and the look on his face told me that something wasn't right.
The next morning I called my doctor for an emergency appointment. We immediately were seen when we arrived, and ten minutes later, I found out that my cervix was torn, and I needed to report to the hospital in the morning for surgery. Back to Emory again......
I stayed up all night pumping milk for the baby, and prayed for the strength to get through another surgery. We arrive at the hospital at 7 am for a 10:30 am procedure. The hospital did not allow anyone under the age of 16 in the pre-op area, so I had to thug it out all alone. To make a long story short, they put me to sleep, stitched me up, and I woke up an hour later with a sore throat.
Now I am home recovering, losing weight, and spoiling the little one. Sade is here....and I think that she will be the last one......unless God gives me the strength to have another.
This post is going to be short. I am learning how to be more supportive of my husband and his pursuit of his dream to do comedy. This is one of those nights that I would love to spend time with him, but he wants to go out and do some networking. Thanks to deep breathing, good food, and red box, I think that I will get through this night. Support means sometimes sacrificing so that the your other half can grow....
Okay so things are better now that we have decluttered our house and burned some sage to get all of the negative energy out of this apartment. I didn't expect the sage to smell like weed, but it seemed to make this place a little bit more peaceful. Being married means having strength when your other half does not have the strength to get through things. One of us has to be stron. Maybe when I get weak, he will be strong enough to handle the weight.
What do you do when your partner gets so down and in a funk that not even his favorite meal can pull him out of the mood that he is feeling. I understand why he feels the way that he does, but I do not know what to do to get him out of it. He barely eats and just wants to sleep all day. I wish that I could pick him up and let him know that I am here for him. Sometimes when he feels the way that he feels, it makes me feel down as well. The last time he fell into this mood, we moved five states away and started over fresh. Maybe it's the pressure of having a pregnant wife, two toddler girls, and no employment. I am doing all that I can to pick him up....but he is still down.
